i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
