just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
