okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
