Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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