how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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