Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
