I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I will pee on everything he values.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
