I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
