Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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