I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
