Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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