If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
