I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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