I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
