We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
