Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
