shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
