i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
