So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
