so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
