Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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