forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
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