I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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