if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
