Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
