u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
