and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
