Just fell off a train. Bad.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
