guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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