Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
