You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
