I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
