i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
