you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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