dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
