Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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