She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
