If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
