I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
