I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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