I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
