he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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