I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
