cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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