i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
