Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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