I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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