yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
