Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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