Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
