Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
oh god the rape fog is back!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
