ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
