It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
