ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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