dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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