Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You are the jesus of drinking
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
