you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
